My un-permanent life

Growing up, I think I think I've moved houses around 10 times, at least. I'm not even sure if that includes the New Zealand moves which was 3 houses in 2 years, but that's alright because our first flat was tiny. And when my mother came over, we had to move to a better place. The second one was okay too, more space, and then my 2 sisters were coming over so we decided to move again, to a "real" house. Anyway, since childhood I think the longest I've continually lived in one place was about 10 years. I have friends who haven't even moved houses since they were born, and I always thought that that was very weird because I thought that you had to move every 2 years or so, but then as I grew up, I realised that we were the weird ones moving around all the time and I constantly had to change addresses on IDs and forms and all those stuff.

It's probably one of the reasons why I have a messy room (not that I'm trying to blame anything for my messiness) with all the clutters and stuff everywhere. I guess I don't want to permanently put my stuff away somewhere and get that notion that this goes there forever, because I know it won't. In a few years or so, I'd have to pack it away anyway. When I was a kid, I had this dresser where I put like a collage of pictures of my friends and family on it and whenever I'd stick a new picture I always wondered where I would put them when we move, or when that dresser is taken away from me. I almost filled that glass with pictures too! Until all of a sudden, we had to move, and I had to put them down because I don't even know if I'd get that dresser again. I've never had something for a long period of time. forever. I'd have something for a couple of years and then just lose it (mostly accidentally, hehe).

It's something that I've noticed in my life, even with some friends, I have them for years and years and then suddenly, gone. Lost communication forever until one day you see those people again all changed and different, like my grade school friends. When I left St. Scho, I stayed in touch for a while, then the calls startedI've managed to still talk and kinda keep in touch with some of my old friends, but it's still not the same of course. They're probably my only real friends, and they don't even know it. It's maybe one of the reasons why I have a hard time having uber-close friends now, because it's reawlly hard to open up to people...its laaaame. ha. The only people right now, apart from some family, that I could really talk to about most things are Dara and Lily.

Anyway, my parents also had this thing where they'd give something to you and then take it away. From small things like toys or little treats, when I was a kid, they'd give it to me, but when my sister wanted it, they'd get it from me and give it to her and they would give that "it's what a big sister has to do because she loves her little sister speech," to big things like when that "crisis" thingy happened, it seemed that everything we had, that they'd given us, turned to *poof* nothing. I bet it was harder for them though, and for my older sisters, I guess nothing could have been done because everything just happened overnight, literally.

I've lived my life with knowing that I can't have everything or stay somewhere forever. I used to live a somewhat i-dont-care-whatever destructive life, because I know that even if I ruin everything I had, I just have to wait... wait for that moment... when I have to pack my bags and move...

But honestly, I'm tired of moving, and waiting for that time when I'm told to cover the glasses with newspaper, and constantly changing everything. I want to fix my room and put things where they belong.

I want to find that place I belong.

The .Com and .co.nz difference

So I was going to check out this online DVD rentals website cus I heard they have 2 weeks free trial and I hear them on the TV ads everyday. The site is called DVD Unlimited, so naturally I type www.dvdunlimited.com (it's not linked so don't go there girlfriend!) Well I got this huge warning that you should be over 18 (and in some coutriees 21). I was thinking isn't this a NZ site? But anyway silly me clicked the "i'm over 18" button and lo and behold, a wide range of PORNO DVD lists comes out! Oh. My. God. They advertise this on TV! What the hell is going on here? maybe I got the wrong site!

So I MSNed Dara:

JAZ says:
OMG! whats the online dvd place?
JAZ says:
is it www.dvdunlimited.com? because it is not!!!
DARA says:
http://www.dvdunlimited.co.nz/homepage/index.php
DARA says:
it's .co.nz not .com
JAZ says:
ITS A FREAKING PORNO WEBSITE!!!! AHHHHH

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The moral of the story is, if the website warns you about having to be over 18 to get in, you'd bet your ass it would probably be some porn.

I have to go scan my laptop now.

Randoms and Reflections

I keep seeing this Proactiv ad on TV, so far I've seen Jessica Simpson, Vivica A. Fox, Vanessa Williams, P. Diddy (can you believe it) and recently, Lindsay Lohan. These past couple of weeks I've been having bad breakouts and I've been thinking if i should buy a set (for only two easy payments of 39.95 oooooh). I know everyone will tell me not to buy it because i am drowning in debt, I can barely make the minimum repayments on my credit card but but but.... can you really put a price on beauty and confidence and health? hihi! Maybe on my next student allowance!
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Our business professor told us to write a journal about ourselves to help understand our strengths and weaknesses more. Like a SWOT analysis (lol!) A little self- discovery thing. It's important to becoming a successful business person. Seriously, I know I will be super duper successful in the future (because if I don't believe in myself, then no one else will!) to just prove something to myself that all this (prolonged) time spent studying and all that is not gone to waste. I've been reading case studies of successful kiwi companies that had the ""black magic" in them, and they are pretty amazing bunch. One of the people that I did a reading on was Karen Walker (not the Will and Grace character), a really big designer name here in New Zealand. She had the idea to mix Lycra with wool, which then brought back wool in the fashion industry, because back then no one really liked wearing wool because they wear out and it's hand wash and u can't hang them when you're drying it. And when she mixed it with Lycra, everyone wanted a piece of it. And now she's this big name that everyone knows!

I don't know, I just find these things amazing and ingenious! Like who would have thought of that! And one day that would be me! Might not be mixing wool and Lycra though, but I'd be thinking of some genius thing and everyone will want a piece of my knowledge! So watch out world! I have a lot of crazy ideas! Muhahaha!

SPIDERMAN 3 The gayest "action" movie ever.

Honestly, were they catering to the "growing emo community?" Spiderman 3: The Battle Within was the movie were the whole cast cries. There were about three fight scenes which were about 5 seconds each and then its singing, dancing, and crying. I mean honestly, who would idolise a superhero who dances on the street? They should have called it Spiderman the musical, Kirsten Dunst sings twice, which is fairly annoying, because her voice is very annoying. Although my sister says it wasn't her voice, anyway, she annoys me.

The moslty all- male cast of Spiderman all cries. Even The Sandman cries for God's sakes. Are we living in a world were men are evolving into pussies? Peter Parker cries like every 5 minutes in the movie, and the movie was 150 minutes. Do the math there, that is a lot of lip quivering.

All in all, it was gay, but it still had cool effects. The best character in that movie was was sandman, not because awww he's only misunderstood but because they did a great job with the effects on him.
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As long as we're talking about "emotional" boys, here are some emo jokes:

How many Emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They'd rather sit in the dark & cry.

How do you know an Emo has used your bathroom?
You find him dead in your bathtub.

How many emo kids does it take to fix a lightbulb?
One to fix it, and thousands to write a song about how the shattered pieces reflect their broken lives.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

How do you drive an emo kid insane?
Put 'em in a round room and tell them to go cry in the corner

What do you call 1000 emos at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

Whats so tragic about 4 emo kids dying in a car crash?
The car seated 5.

Why do emos always wear white belts?
Because they suck at karate.

How do you keep an emo from drowning?
Remove your foot off his head.

What do you have when you have an emo kid neck deep in concrete?
Not enough concrete.

My Religion

When it comes to my religion, people, particularly my boyfriend, always wants to debate with me. He's a Buddhist and I'm a catholic, and of course he's always questioning why I believe in God, and who is God, and all that bullcrap. I'd just like to say, I honestly don't give a crap if u don't believe in God, and I will never try to convert anyone. It's just that I believe in him, because I do. I need to believe that there's a reason why I exist, and that I have a purpose, and when I feel lost and alone, I can talk to him. I actually do sometimes and it helps.

So what if there's a lot of misconceptions about my religion and what I believe in? There's also a lot of other things that no one can understand. There's a lot of unanswered questions out there. But I don't care. But with everything wrong with the world, I can say I find comfort that I believe in something.